being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
