How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
