Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
