I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
