My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
