I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
