I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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