I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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