Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
