If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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