There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
