Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
