i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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