had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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