worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
