I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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