just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
