This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
