u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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