So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
