Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
