im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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