I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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