I wish I could teleport
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
