Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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