i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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