Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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