Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
