If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
