im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
