My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
