She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
