FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
