Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
