just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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