areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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