So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
