I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
