I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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