I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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