1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
youre lurking in front of me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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