ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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