I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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