why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, beer. Big fan.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
