I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
