You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
