Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
