he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize