I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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