I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
