he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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