There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
