I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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