thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
