dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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