so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
