Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
