If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
