When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
