I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
