I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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