grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
