Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
