So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
