Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
