toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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