Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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