false alarm. still invincible.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
