i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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