You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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