***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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