So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
