this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just high enough for therapy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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