bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
