Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
