Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
