New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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