I just cut my nipple shaving
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
