$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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