he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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