WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
